"Every month, I will find a day, when I will allow myself to be sad. To be sit in a dark corner and perhaps even weep. Just that one day, for me to grieve for myself."
I told my friends this over lunch. The laughter and the jolliness came to an immediate stop and they glared at me. We were having so much fun mixing milkshakes and getting ourselves sick by gorging down all the horrendous paste when I suddenly spoke.
Then things came to a stand still.
I told them do not be alarmed. We all need to be sad at some time in our life and walk out of the facade. After all, since things happened last year and I promised them I will be a happy person, I really did a good job and it wasn't really too much that I just needed one day. I just needed one day to be who I really am and to put down the burden for just twenty four hours. I promised them to be happy again after this day each month.
Happiness is indeed a choice but not as easy as sometimes we want it to be, albeit the fact that we all really want to be happy. I want to be a happy man too, but I hope my friends can let me be a genuinely happy man, not just a happy man. And not let me drown my heart every night when the world sinks into a slumber.
It has been be a year but some things you will never forget.
"Let me be myself once in a while and just let me cry it out if I need. And I hope you can shield me from the crowds so that I will not be embarrassed," I asked them.
Dillah stood up, came forward and gave me a hug.
We didn't mix milkshakes anymore nor laugh out loud, just little smiles along the way. And before we left, all of them told me that on this one day when I welcome sorrow to come into my heart again, allow them to come by too, because that is the reason why they have chosen to take me as a friend.
For this, I have indeed found reasons to smile, even on the sorrowful day.
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1 comments:
I totally understand this need. Sometimes I am so overwhelmed by the list: fatigue from teaching job w/10-12 hrs per day , news of a skin cancer and the need for surgery, two children leaving home in a couple of months, the possibility of losing my house. . . . that I, too, just need to sit, cry, be sad. This is not to be avoided. One must feel the pain to also feel the joy. Nice to write on your blog again :-)
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